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Poems Poems Poems

September 5, 2017 by lbonde   

We have written lots of great poems this term.  We have chosen our favourite ones to share.  Please comment on someone else’s poem.  Remember to give them some feedback about what they did well.  Think about what we have learnt about.  Images, rhyme, similes, metaphors, personification and building a picture using great verbs and adjectives.

Parents we would love you to comment on our poems as well.



57 Comments »

  1. lbonde says:

    Bike
    Shiny, quiet,
    Pedalling, spinning, weaving
    Whizzing round corners, zooming along roads
    Racing, roaring, speeding
    Fast, loud,
    Car

  2. Amber says:

    Whooshing mountains.
    Splashing like massive waves.
    Pitch white snow on the mountains.
    Bright blue sky. Big blue sky.
    Bright brown rocks.
    Rocks.
    Heavy bag

    Amber

  3. Callie says:

    Sallie sells squishy slime in the sun, by the sea surface.
    Callie

    • Izzy says:

      You could try to just have one word that doesn’t start with s not two in a row. But I really like the topic its intriguing.

      from Izzy

    • Mia says:

      Great job Callie that made my tongue twist. Your poem made me think of beautiful beaches because I love beaches. Do you like beaches?

      Mia P

    • Lily says:

      I like how you have different words but they all sort of make sense.

      I think you should do a bit more writing you don’t have to but I think it would be more interesting but other than that I really like your alliteration poem.

      From Lily:)

    • Callie says:

      Well done Callie !! I really like it x
      Erica

    • Izzy says:

      Callie I love this poem as it has my name in it even spelt correctly, I also love the sun and sea.

      Sallie

  4. riv19sophie says:

    My Place
    By Sophie Brewer
    Clear blue glistening water,
    Swaying palm trees,
    Colourful sunset,
    Waves crashing,
    MY PLACE,
    People talking, laughter,
    People having fun,
    Splashing wildly,
    MY PLACE,
    Delicate sand squishing between my toes,
    Fantastic fun,
    Boiling,
    Free,
    MY PLACE

    Sophie

    • riv19elli says:

      I like how you repeat MY PLACE and it is goog and long. I like it how you put in heaps of descriptive words like colourful and fantastic.

      Elli

    • riv19sienna says:

      I think your strongest sentence would be delicate sand squishing between my toes. You used fun twice so instead you can use a word that stand out more.
      Sienna

  5. Mia says:

    Big bogon Barry beets bucking bronks by beating burgers and bumping Bob the building builder but Bob bumps big Barry back.

    Mia p

  6. Izzy says:

    Cute cuddly cats cuddling Callie constantly crazy cat caller calls crazy cats.

    Izzy

    • Lily says:

      I like your alliteration poem because it has no other words except for the C words. I don’t really get where it is or what’s happening but I still like it.

      from Lily

    • Callie says:

      Hi Izzy I really like your poem and your adjectives that you included in your poem and I also like it because you wrote my name in it.
      I would also like to reed more of you poems.
      from Callie

    • Izzy says:

      Well done Izzy love the cat poem it sounds great.
      Maybe next time try not to use the same word twice in the one sentence

      Sallie

  7. riv19miab says:

    People have to hold onto their hats
    But I would much rather take a nap
    I knew it was very fast
    So I tried to be last
    When some people spew
    It looks like gross goo!
    I’m like a bird so I fly
    But I really feel like I’m going to die
    I pull my face into a frown
    Then I put my head down when the roller coaster went really high
    To get of this thing I needed to lie
    I made sure I had good grip
    so I didn’t slip

    • riv19sophie says:

      I like how you make me feel like I am there and feeling the emotions. I love the poem!!
      Sophie

    • Callie says:

      Hi Mia I love your poem because it has lots of rhyming couplets in it like fly, die it is very interesting.
      Do you like going on roller coaster because in the poem it doesn’t seem so?
      Callie

  8. Lily says:

    SUNNY SEA SIDE

    Sunny sunshine shining sea sellers selling squids slithering sea snails and seals slipping on the side

    Lily

    • Izzy says:

      I like how the topic is not boring its exciting but you could try using words that aren’t really the same

      from Izzy

    • Izzy says:

      I like the topic Lily as the seaside is great, however maybe next time try to use only one word that doesn’t start with the letter S.

      Great job Lily

      Sallie

  9. riv19elli says:

    Mysterious house
    By Elli Shortall
    Gloomy clouds in the sky
    Dead grass on the ground
    An old rotten house surrounded by tall mountains
    Petrified
    Freezing
    Water hitting the shore grass moving with the wind
    Scared
    Cold air touching my skin long grass itching my legs
    Terrified
    My skin is freezing
    Teeth crashing together from the coldness
    Worried
    Crows squawking
    Filling uncomfortable
    A dead world

    Elli

    • riv19scarlett says:

      I really like where you said an old rotten house surrounded by tall mountains because it created a picture in my head. And I liked the adjectives like a dead world.
      Scarlett.

    • riv19sophie says:

      I love how you make me feel like I was there, like I was feeling the feelings and I loved the phrase ‘gloomy clouds in the sky’ because there are heaps of describing words.
      Sophie

    • riv19lacey says:

      I like it how you put dead world at the end and you described how it was a dead had horrible world
      I liked how you put an old rotten house surrounded by tall mountains it created a pitcher in my mind

  10. Amber says:

    Cold frosty water
    By Amber Porter
    Exited people
    Some people getting gear on. Googles.
    Bright black suits going on. People diving.
    People falling into the bright blue water.
    Rainbow colour fish.
    Bright grey dolphins.
    Bright orange crabs.

    Amber

    • riv19poppy says:

      Great descriptive language that put a picture in my head.
      You chose the words very carefully.
      I love the phrase ‘People falling into bright blue water, I really felt like I was there.
      Next time use the word ‘people’ a little less and perhaps more creative verbs.

  11. riv19jethro says:

    The Ocean
    Doom deadly seas
    Rough waves crashing my boat the boat like a hurricane
    Disastrous storm help me
    Bolting waves heart pounding lick a machine gun firing
    Pitch black midnight…shinnying solely
    Dead of night never ending seas
    Waves lapping my boat
    Storm crackling everywhere
    jethro

    • riv19lucass says:

      I like the fraise when it says waves lapping my boat storm crackling everywhere. Also the describing words are great. The adjectives and verbs are also great.

    • riv19mitchell says:

      I like the phrase, bolting waves heart pounding like a machine gun firing because it gets me hooked into the poem and it gets a great picture in my mind.
      mitchell

  12. riv19mitchell says:

    The Haunted House
    Old, abandoned
    Mysterious, murder awaits
    Stormy weather, water rippling
    Burnt crackled up wood
    Huge, black, rusty chimney
    Cold, misty air, tall dark trees
    Extreme wind, earth shaking
    Absolutely terrified
    HORROR
    Mitchell

    • Ruby says:

      I like the line huge, black, rusty chimneys it really creates a picture in my mind
      Ruby

    • riv19jethro says:

      I like the spookiness it gives me the creeps and a all ferly scary pitcher in my mind
      I all so like the Mysterious, murder awaits

      jethro

    • riv19ewan says:

      Mitchell, I really like your word choses and the real pride you put into making this poem put a picture in your readers head. I also like the way you kept your all your lines related to the title.
      Ewan.P

    • riv19euan says:

      I like all of your adjectives you have, it really created a picture in my mind on what was going on fantastic poem ten out of ten 🙂

    • riv19mitchell says:

      I think the best phrase is Absolutely terrified and it creates a great picture in my mind.
      Melissa (Mitchell’s mum)

  13. riv19poppy says:

    Terrible Loss

    Untouched
    Overgrown
    Mysterious, dead swamp
    Being watched
    Nervous
    Muck sloshing against logs
    Sinking mud, slippery banks
    Howling, sharp wing stabbing my face
    Misty, smoky sky
    Finger cutting vines
    Mossy, overhanging trees
    Creepy crawlies biting my bare toes
    Rush of a nearby waterfall
    Adventure
    Excited
    Butterflies
    Deep green slosh over lapping the water’s edge like fresh vomit
    Every hair on my body sticking up
    Lonely
    Spooky
    Lost

    • Amber says:

      my favourite line is Howling, sharp wing stabbing my face because it gives me a picture in my mind
      From Amber

    • riv19holly says:

      I love the strong words you put in your poem and the line
      howling, sharp wing stabbing my face.

      Holly

    • Callie says:

      Hi that poem impressed me the way you wrote it .I like the line where you said every hair on my body sticking up welding keep up the good work.
      Erica Bosveld

  14. riv19lacey says:

    Birds
    Birds tweeting tweet tweet
    Birds singing in the cool air
    Birds flying up up

  15. riv19scarlett says:

    Cats
    Cats crying, catastrophe.
    Cuddling, climbing, catching.
    Cats.
    Scarlett.

  16. riv19lucass says:

    Slithering snakes slobber on the signs as they sing their songs.
    Lucas Starkey

  17. riv19lucas says:

    This is my favourite poems
    synchronised soccer players singing special songs for special singers
    Lucas.c

  18. riv19ewan says:

    Diamond
    hard, colourless
    shining, forming, uncracking
    hardest substance… 99% air
    cracking, breaking, scattering
    synthetic, ultralight
    aerogel

  19. Ruby says:

    Miserable evil day
    Branches snapping
    Dead trees, squishy mud
    Middle of nowhere
    Wet gloopy mud
    Wet disgusting mud
    Storm coming

    By Ruby

    • Ruby says:

      This poem makes be feel like I am experiencing this miserable, dark and lonely day. I like the last line as it suggests that it is only going to get worse.

      By Sophie (Ruby’s mum)

  20. riv19miab says:

    dear Mia.p I love the line beating burgers and bumping bob the builder!i love the adjectives and verbs.

  21. riv19holly says:

    Lava
    burnt, orange
    glowing, rushing, crackling
    fire, torch…rain, ocean
    flooding, crashing, drinking
    clear, cold
    water
    Holly

  22. riv19elli says:

    Red Rhinoceros ran in a running race in the rain rushing though ranting rhinos then rented a red range rover.

    Elli

  23. riv19euan says:

    The boat wreck
    Bang!
    People screaming
    Water, cold, wreckage
    Dark grey clouds up above
    Freezing
    Life boats everywhere
    Wreckage everywhere
    Sharks, mist, lightning
    Only thing on the mind is…
    SURVIVAL
    People swimming for their lives
    Screaming
    I step into a bright orange life boat
    The sea like a ferocious dog
    SAFTEY!
    Euan

  24. riv19sienna says:

    Snakes
    Snakes slithering slowly seeing sandy sloths sleeping, skunks skiing, and singing skateboarder’s selling soda
    Sienna

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